Inspiration

Let me first say that I am beyond amazed by the comments, private messages, and texts that I received from my last blog.  I wanted to start blogging for 2 reasons...I hoped to be an inspiration to someone else who may be struggling with the same thing as I am and also let others hear about the wonderful things that I see daily in my job.  To my surprise, I now have another reason for blogging, my own inspiration.  I cant describe how much better I felt after completing last weeks blog.  It was like 20lbs lifted off my of chest, something that I had no idea would happen.  Several of you told me that it would be theraputic to me, and you could not be more right, its amazing.  For anyone who is tying to decide if they should blog to make themselves feel better, the answer is YES.  I was also reluctant to post my blog because everything was so personal, I didnt know if I was ready to share that part of me, I wasnt sure if I was ready to show people that I was weak and see the pain that I was going through.  I decided that I was more weak by pretending to be strong when really I was struggling emotionally each day. However, I find peace in blogging, I guess everyone has their things that help them, and Im glad that I have found mine.  That brings me to why im blogging today.

Ive never been a very religious person, , I belive in God, I know theres a God, just look around, his creations are all around us.  I, however never have been one to go to Church every Sunday.  Id always joke with my friends and tell them that I get dressed up and watch church on my tv every Sunday morning.  This past week, after blogging, something hit me.  I wont forget it, I was driving back from one of my home visits for work and I was thinking and it just hit me, I wanted to go to church.  I will be the first to admit,  after our experience, I have had a hard time with forgiving God for putting us through this struggle and for other things that some of my family members have faced.I could never understand the saying "God never gives us more than we can handle".  I sometimes beg to differ, but then realize that when Im facing something that I think I cant handle, Ive always handled it, it may have taken me awhile, but Ive handled it.  I now know that I couldnt have done that without God by my side.  I came home that day and told Adam that I wanted to go to church on Sunday, that I felt like I was ready and it was what we needed.  Im not saying that we needed it because of the bad things happening to us, I just felt like its what I needed to continue to heal.  So this past Sunday, we did just that.  We went to church and as soon as I stepped my foot inside, I smiled.  Of course as soon as the pastor said the first prayer, tears started flowing because I felt as if he was talking directly to me.  I know we all get that feeling, but everything he said just soaked into my heart and the emotions overwhelmed me.  Thank goodness we were to the side and no one could see me, and Adam just looked at me and put his hand on my back, because he knows Im an emotional hot mess most days, he just smiles and goes on.  But Im pretty sure he felt it too, although he would never admit it, silly boys :)  When we got home, we both felt better.  We are going to try to continue going.  We want to look around and see what church fits us best, but im confident that we will continue to feel good each Sunday when we come home, no matter what church we attend. 

After my blog last week, I had a friend of mine that I havent talked to in awhile, message me telling me that she recently experienced a miscarriage and wanted to know how those first few weeks I coped, what I did to keep my mind off of everything.  I smiled as I replied, remembering exactly what I did, I worked. As soon as we left the doctor, I went to work, got my things and went home and continued to work.  The following day, I had home visits in Glasgow, and I went to them, all 6.  I can thank God for that as well. He was with me to get me through that day, thanks to him, none of my families ever knew anything was wrong, I kept my shield up.  When Im at work, Im at work, my focus is completely on them and their needs.  Whether its 15 minutes or an hour, my heart smiles for them, broken or not, nothing else matters. She's, unforunatley, not lucky enough to have a job as mine, but as I said before, everyone's way of coping, is different. Mine is continuing to work..God blessed me with this wonderful opportunity, so who am I to not give him or them 110%!!